The Man in the Cape

 At 5:45 AM, the alarm clock on the nightstand let out its petulant cry, begging for attention.  Harold Baggett rolled over and swatted unsuccessfully at the clock.  He tossed back his satin sheets and sat up on the side of his bed before finally reaching for the clock again and silencing it.  Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he stood up and walked to the bathroom for his daily ritual.  He looked at himself in the mirror and rubbed his chin, frustrated that he was starting to get some gray in his facial hair.  Turning on the hot water and pulling out his razor he remarked, “We’ll take care of that.”  He shaved and then hopped into the shower. 

            Twenty minutes later, Harold, now dressed in a gray suit with a white shirt and black tie, entered the kitchen.  He pulled down a bottle of Jack Daniels from the shelf but it was empty.  “Damn,” he said aloud.  He then reached up and grabbed another bottle, this time Crown Royal.  That bottle was also empty.  Harold sighed and placed the second empty bottle on the counter.  “Looks like it’s going to be vodka today,” Harold thought to himself.  He reached up and grabbed the last bottle, which was Aristocrat vodka.  Harold didn’t particularly like vodka, especially Aristocrat vodka.  The bottle was left over from an office party and only served as a reserve on mornings like these when all of the other bottles had been drained.  He pulled his flask out and filled it up with the clear, pungent alcohol.  After the flask was filled, Baggett left his apartment, locked the door and exited his building onto 15^th Street. 

            Standing alone at the bus stop at 15^th and 6^th, Harold checked his watch.  6:30.  It was already starting to warm up as the sun was beginning to creep through the gaps between the buildings.  New York City can be unbearable in July.  Even at this early hour it didn’t seem like the city was anxious to disappoint.  Harold reached into his bag and pulled out his sunglasses.  His light blue eyes had always been very sensitive to the sun.  Harold checked his watch again and then took a swig from his flask.  The bus was already five minutes late.  He contemplated why he even bothered with the bus instead of taking the train.  He liked the subway. It was generally quicker and the trains don’t smell as bad as the buses normally do.  As Harold was thinking this, he noticed the bus make its wide turn onto 15^th.  Harold took one more drink from his flask and then placed it back in his bag as the bus pulled up to the stop.  He entered through the doors nearest the front and swiped his Metro Card.  The bus driver nodded to him but Harold ignored him, instead choosing to walk to the back of the bus in silence.  Harold preferred the rear of the bus to the front.  He found solace in the back due to the fact that the engine was located in the rear of the bus and there was less of a chance that someone would try to strike up a conversation with him. 

             After claiming the seat against the rear window, Harold leaned his head against the glass and thumbed his wedding ring, wondering when he would see his wife, Susan, again.  He was certain that he would see her at least once more, at the divorce hearing, but wondered if he would see her in a more cordial setting.  They had been separated now for six months and Harold had only seen her once, and the meeting was only by coincidence. He had run into Susan and her boyfriend, or whatever he was, at the video store.  That was awkward.  They had been married 21 years and Harold still loved her but believed she simply got bored with him being on the road all the time.  She claimed it was his drinking that drove her away.  Either way, she was gone.  His only comfort was that he still got to see the kids Jack, who was 18 and a senior in high school, and Melissa, who was 10, occasionally.  Jack would sometimes bring Melissa by to visit, but he never really said much.  Melissa didn’t really understand what was going on between her parents and her innocent questions penetrated Harold deeply.  Harold wondered if he would ever really be happy again.  With all the fighting before Susan left, it was hard to think of a good time.  The one thing that always came to mind was a trip that he took to Yosemite National Park with his father after he graduated college.  He wished for those simpler times.

            That trip to Yosemite was very important to Harold.  In the summer of 1984, a few weeks after Harold graduated college, he and his father loaded up the family’s old Microbus and drove from Kansas City to Yosemite in California.  Ed Baggett, Harold’s father, said that Harold had now become a man and it was time to take the same trip that Ed’s father had taken him on when he was Harold’s age.  It was a glorious two weeks of father and son bonding.  They camped out at Tenaya Lake off Highway 120.  They fished and took turns playing James Taylor songs on the guitar and talked about everything from women to what Harold wanted to do after school.  They would talk until they ran out of beer or the fire went out, whichever came first.  On most nights, the beer relented first. 

            It was on one particular night that a conversation took place that always stuck with Harold.  The two men were talking about ambitions and Harold told Ed that he thought it would be really fun to be a pilot.  Harold liked the idea of being able to fly around the country, or maybe the world, for a living.  It wasn’t like a real job, sitting behind a desk, punching the clock at 5 PM every day.  Ed agreed with him.  He asked Harold if he had ever told him what he wanted to do when he was younger.  Harold shook his head. 

            “I always wanted to be a tiger trainer.  You know, like, in the circus,” Ed said.

            “Are you serious?” Harold asked.  “Why did you want to do that?”

            “There was just something about those big cats,” Ed replied.  “They could be beautiful and terrifying in the same instance.  I was infatuated with them.  Your granddad took me to a circus when I was a kid and they were what stood out.  From the time I was, I don’t know, 8 or 10, I wanted to train tigers.  I almost did, but then I eventually decided I wasn’t going to.”

            “Wow,” Harold replied.  “I can’t believe that you have never told me that.  So, how did you go from wanting to train tigers to becoming a baker?”

            “Well, I finally realized that training tigers was too dangerous,” Ed said.  “Besides, I enjoy baking.”

            “Yeah, but you already knew that they were dangerous,” Harold replied.  “I mean, that was your dream, taming those big cats.  I can totally see you out there in the middle of the big top cracking your whip as the tigers dance around you on their hind legs, jumping through hoops of fire.  Then you just gave it up to bake cakes.  I don’t get it.”

            “It wasn’t that much of a compromise.”

            “Sure it was, Dad.  You gave up on your dream.”

            “Hey, it is a solid job that I enjoy.  People like cakes and they especially like mine.”

            “Yeah, I know they do.  But that was your dream, man.  You said you almost did it.  Why didn’t you just push on through?”

            “You want to know the truth, Harold?”  Ed paused for a moment.  “I was about to go on the road with a circus.  I was going to be an apprentice to the tiger trainer.  Then, just before we were set to leave, I found out that your mother was pregnant with you.  Once I got that news, there was no decision to be made.  I turned the job down and I stayed home.  I chose baking for you.  I knew that me being gone all the time and sticking my head in a tiger’s mouth wasn’t how I wanted you to be brought up.  I wanted to be there for you anytime that you needed me and that life didn’t offer that possibility.  I chose baking, Harold, because I love you.”

            Harold often thought about what his father had said on that trip.  He had never felt like he didn’t love his kids.  He did, however, feel like he betrayed them in the way that his father had chosen to avoid. Following the trip he took with his father, Harold moved to New York City to work as a salesman for a copier company.  It was a very exciting time for him because, although he didn’t become a pilot, he was getting to fly all around the country, and sometimes the world, for a living.  Harold was starting to realize, though, that it was at the expense of his family.  He had been at home more as Melissa was growing up but was gone for the most part during Jack’s youth.  Harold feared that Jack resented him for that.  Even worse, Harold worried that his son would grow up without him noticing.  Harold couldn’t stand the thought of that. 

             A few minutes later the bus came to a stop with a screech of the brakes.  Harold checked his watch once more and it read 6:40.  He shook his head and sighed.  Harold started to lean back against the glass again but something caught his eye.  A very peculiar old man, wearing all black and carrying a cane, had gotten onto the bus.  What made the sight particularly odd was that he was also wearing a large black hat and an equally large black cape.  The only part of his wardrobe that wasn’t black was his shoes.  Oddly enough, they were red leather with white trim.  Harold considered trying to make sense of what he was looking at but decided to close his eyes and lean back against the window again, withdrawing into his thoughts once more.  He couldn’t seem to shake the thought of the man in the cape, however.  Harold opened his eyes and was startled to find the man sitting directly across from him.  Harold was slightly unnerved because he couldn’t tell if the man was staring at him or not.  The man’s glasses were very dark and impossible to see through.  Harold nodded to the old gentleman but there was no response.  “He must not be looking at me,” Harold thought. 

            Fifteen minutes later, the bus came to rest at the intersection of 34^th and Broadway.  The man who had now become the sole object of Harold’s attention stood up and walked towards the front of the bus.  As Harold watched him walk away, he suddenly felt compelled to follow him.  He grabbed his bag and exited the door in the middle of the bus.  The man confidently strolled up 34^th Street with his cape blowing in the breeze.  Harold followed as closely as he could without being detected.  He reached into his bag and retrieved his cell phone.  In the excitement of the moment, Harold didn’t realize that the man had stopped walking.  He almost crashed into the man but narrowly averted the collision with a quick sidestep.  Fearing that his cover had been blown, Harold drifted behind a light pole and tried to act natural.  He dialed his office and after a series of receptionists, Harold finally reached the desk of his boss and explained to him that he wasn’t going to be able to make it to work.  He knew that it didn’t really matter if he was there or not, he could make all the calls that he needed to make today from anywhere, but he felt like it was a common courtesy to call and let him know. 

            By the time Harold has finished his phone call, the caped man was on the move again.  As they passed the Empire State Building, sidewalk traffic was beginning to pick up making following the man more difficult.  Harold managed to keep up with him though.  They passed over 5^th Avenue and then Madison.  By 7:20 the journey had taken them to the corner of 34^th Street and Park Avenue.  Harold watched the man as he approached a bench, threw his cape back and sat down.  If anyone walking by that morning had asked Harold, he would have told them that he was 47 years old and a resident of New York.  However, in this moment, felt as if he was 12 years old again playing detective in his parents’ backyard.  Harold watched the old gentleman for several more minutes before approaching the bench. 

            “Excuse me,” the man said, turning towards Harold.  Harold looked around to see if there was anyone else the man may have been addressing.

            “Are you speaking to me, sir?”  Harold asked.

            “Yes,” the man replied.  The man motioned for Harold to come over.  “Sit down, please.”  Harold sat down cautiously.  “Why are you following me?” the man asked.  

            Harold paused for a moment, trying to think of any reason that made any sense.  “Honestly, because you’re wearing a cape and a giant black hat and I was intrigued,” Harold replied.  “I can’t say that I’ve ever seen anyone wear such an outfit and I wanted to see what you were up to.”  The man nodded and then momentarily took off his glasses to rub his eyes.  It was just long enough for Harold to notice that the gentleman was blind.  Harold reached into his bag and pulled out the flask.  He took a long drink before returning it to the satchel.  “How did you know who I was?” Harold asked.

            “I could smell you,” the man replied.  This statement confused Harold but before he could ask, the man asked, “Do you remember when you almost bumped into me earlier?  I could smell the vodka on your breath.  I first smelled it when we were on the bus.  Aristocrat, right?”

            “That’s exactly right,” Harold responded, becoming more and more impressed with the man as he spoke. 

The man continued, “Then, as I was sitting here, I smelled the vodka again and assumed that it was you.”

“That is amazing,” Harold said.  “What is your name, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Name’s Bill Miller,” the man said, holding out his hand to shake Harold’s.

“It’s nice to meet you, Bill,” Harold replied, shaking Bill’s hand.  “I’m Harold Baggett.”

The two men began talking and sharing various stories with one another.  Harold thought that it was odd that he was finding it so easy to talk to a complete stranger.  Perhaps it was because he found Bill so interesting. Harold talked about his job and Bill told Harold stories about Vietnam, which led to the story of how he lost his sight.

             “You see, the thing about grenades is this,” Bill started.  “It’s not like that shit that they have in movies where some guy hurls a grenade over a wall and there is a giant explosion and people fly everywhere and all of that.  That’s a bunch of Hollywood bunk.  When I was on my second tour in Vietnam back in ’68, right after Tet, we were patrolling an area near the border of Cambodia and Vietnam.  Real shit hole, that place is.  I mean, why anyone would want to live there I’ll never know.  Anyway, this lil’ bastard came out of nowhere and chucked a grenade right in the middle of our platoon.  I pushed my CO out of the way as it went off and the shrapnel hit me.  Cut me up pretty badly and damn near took my leg but it did get my eyes.  I haven’t been able to see since.”

“Wow,” Harold replied.  “That’s an incredible story.  So, you’ve been blind for over forty years?”

“Sure have,” Bill replied.  “After I got back in ’70, it took me a while to get adjusted.  After a few years I was moving around the city no problem, just like I used to.  I miss being able to see it, though.  New York is such a beautiful city.  I didn’t really take the time to appreciate it when I was younger and now I can’t.” 

Harold didn’t really know what to say to this so he sat in silence.  Thankfully, Bill started telling another story about the war and Harold listened intently.  He couldn’t remember ever meeting such an interesting person.  Over time, the stories shifted from the war to the Yankees.  Bill was a lifetime Yankees fan and Harold was amazed to find out that Bill had been to at least one game in every season since 1955, with the exception of the time that he spent in Vietnam.  Bill confessed to Harold that, despite being a die-hard Yankees fan, he believed that Ted Williams was the greatest baseball player that ever lived.  Bill added that he would never mention it publicly though, because Williams played for the Red Sox. 

After a couple hours of talking, Harold finally had the courage to ask what he really wanted to know.  “So, Bill.  Why do you wear the cape?” 

Bill laughed.  “I was wondering how long it would take for you to ask me that.  When I was a kid, I was really into comic books.  Did you ever read comic books, Harold?”

Harold shook his head and replied, “No.”

“Seriously?” Bill asked.  “Wow, I thought every kid read comic books.  Anyway, I was really into the comics.  Superman, Spiderman, Green Arrow, you name it I read it.  Batman was my favorite though.  Hands down, it was Batman.  There was just something about him, you know?  You’re familiar with Batman, right?”  Harold tried to respond but was cut off.  “Of course you know about Batman,” Bill continued.  “So, Batman was this normal guy who put on a suit and went out and just dominated any foe that dared stand in front of him.  I loved that about him.  He wasn’t Superman or Spiderman or any of that.  He didn’t have special powers.  He was just a man, you know?  So anyway, Batman always wore this cape and I thought that it looked really sharp.”

“So, that’s why you wear the cape?” Harold asked. 

“No,” Bill replied.  “For all I know, this thing could be crooked or backwards or what have you.  I can’t see it.  I don’t know how it looks.  I wear it because it makes me happy.  That’s something that I learned after becoming blind that I wish I knew before I lost my sight.  Before, you see, I was always worried about what people thought about me.  I never could have worn a cape before.  Once I lost my sight, I just didn’t care anymore.  Now I can wear a cape because I want to wear a cape.” 

“I see,” Harold replied.  “So, what about the hat?”

“It keeps the sun out of my face,” Bill answered.  Why else do you think I would wear this gigantic thing?”

Just then a small child stopped and exclaimed, “Look mommy!  It’s Zorro!”  Bill laughed and held out his hand.  “Give me five, little guy!” he said.  The child slapped Bill’s hand before walking off with his mother.

 “That’s another reason why I wear the cape,” Bill added.  “The kids love it.”

Harold nodded.  “I wish there was something that made me that happy,” he said.

“There is nothing in your life that makes you truly happy?” Bill asked.  “No wife, no kids, nothing?”

“I do have a couple of kids,” Harold responded.  “A son and a daughter, and technically I have a wife.  She left me six months ago and the divorce hasn’t finalized yet.”  Harold reached into his bag to get his flask.  As soon as he opened it Bill spoke up.

“That isn’t the way, kid,” Bill said.  “I promise you, that isn’t what is going to fix your problems.  Trust me.  I’ve been down that road.”  Harold put the flask back into his bag.  “Listen, let me tell you one more story,” Bill requested.  “Despite the fact that I lost my eyes over forty years ago, I can still see what happened over there as clear as day.  Every time my mind wanders, I can see every person that I killed in that hell over there.  I can see all of those that fought and died right beside me.  After I got back, I tried everything; alcohol, drugs, whatever.  I did it all.  None of that took what was in my head away.  I had to find something that truly made me happy to make those thoughts go away.  So I started wearing this cape because, like I said, it made me happy.  So far, it’s worked.  You need a cape, son.”

“I’m not sure that buying a cape is really going to help me, though,” Harold responded.  “I really don’t think that it would look good on me.”

Bill just shook his head.  “Not a literal cape, man.  The cape was a metaphor for something that makes you happy.  You need something to make you happy.  Something besides that terrible vodka you are toting around in that flask.”

Harold knew that Bill was right.  He leaned back on the bench and tried to think of anything that made him happy.  Again, he could only think of that trip that he and his father took to Yosemite. 

“What are you thinking about?” Bill asked. 

“It’s nothing really, just this trip that my dad and I took to Yosemite when I graduated from college.  That is last time that I can remember being really happy.  We spent a couple weeks up there just fishing and talking about women and life.  It was the best time of my life.” 

“That’s it then,” Bill said.  “You should call up your old man and take a trip to California; spend some quality time in the woods.” 

“Can’t,” Harold replied.  “My dad died a couple years ago from a heart attack.”             

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Bill said.  “But that’s not stopping you from going.”

“I’m not going to go out there by myself.  I don’t really think that me being alone for two weeks in the woods is a good idea.”

“So take someone with you,” Bill said.  Harold sat in silence for a moment, running his hands through his hair.  Suddenly he perked up.

“Wow,” Harold said.  “It’s been there all along and I just didn’t see it.”

“What?” Bill asked.

“My kids are my cape,” Harold replied.  “I should spend more time with them.”  Bill nodded with approval.

“Now you’re getting there,” Bill said.

“My granddad took my dad to Yosemite.  My dad took me to Yosemite.”

“You should take your son,” Bill interrupted. 

“Exactly,” Harold replied.  “I’m afraid that he won’t want to go though.”

“Why not?” Bill asked.

“I’ve been a terrible father and I’ve never really been there for him.  Whenever he brings his sister over, he just ignores me.”

“So what?  That’s how kids are.  Listen, you have two choices here.  You can either make the decision to start being a good dad to these kids or you can let them grow up without being a part of their lives.  I think you know what the right thing to do is.  This trip isn’t going to fix everything, but it’s a start.”  Harold nodded and stood up.

“You’re exactly right, Bill.  Thank you.”  Harold reached out to shake Bill’s hand.

“I’m glad I could help, kid,” Bill replied.  “One more thing before you go.  What about that flask?” 

Harold reached into his bag and pulled out the flask.  He looked at it for a moment and then threw it into a nearby trashcan.

“Good luck, Harold,” Bill said, raising his hand to wave goodbye.

            “Thank you, Bill.”

Never is a Promise

                A slushy mix of rain and snow fell on Blanchard Street as Landon Jennings rode the bus home from school.  From his seat on Bus 47 he could see Mr. Riley’s eyes in the mirror, constantly glancing back at the other children.  When needed, he would scold one of them for being turned around in their seat or yelling or throwing a paper wad; whatever small infraction they may be committing.  This time it was Billy Johnson that was meeting the business end of Mr. Riley’s tongue. 

“Billy Johnson!” He cried out.  “If I see one more piece of paper in the air I’m going to write you up!  You got that!” 

“But Mr. Riley,” Billy replied.  “It wasn’t…” Billy was interrupted by Riley’s booming voice. 

“Ahhh!  Not another word!”  Landon just shook his head.  Despite being 12 years old, he knew that neither party was accomplishing anything with this method of conversation.  Riley knew that Billy would do it again because, well, that’s what Billy did.  And Billy knew that Mr. Riley wasn’t going to write him up because, well, he never did.  Billy did however manage to refrain from instigation for the remainder of the ride and this made it a relatively quiet one.  Landon sat in silence with his head against the cold window and considered possible items for his Christmas list.  He was really hoping to get a new bicycle.  His old one had been recently run over by his father after he had left it in the driveway.  He was also not completely like many of the other kids his age.  Most of them asked for things such as an XBOX or a PS3 or something similar that involved video games.  Landon was more of the adventurous type, a sort of throwback to the days of his father.  That was a characteristic that his father really enjoyed in Landon. 

            Fifteen minutes later, Landon had reached his stop.  He gathered his bag, waved goodbye to Sally Melrose, and walked toward the front of the bus.  Landon had a crush on Sally but he didn’t have the nerve to tell her.  Every time he saw her at school he would try to talk to her but only managed to look awkward and end up scurrying away as quickly as possible.  He often thought about something that his grandfather told him.  “Youth is wasted on the young,” he would say.  Landon wasn’t entirely sure what that meant, but he had a pretty good idea.  He nodded to Mr. Riley and Mr. Riley returned the pleasantry.  As Landon stepped out onto the wet street and the bus pulled away, he looked up into the grayish sky and stuck out his tongue.  A few wet snowflakes landed on his warm tongue and he smiled.  They also peppered his face like freckles, adding to the large amount that he already had covering his cheeks.  It rarely snowed in Alabama and while this was far from what anyone would consider a blizzard, it was just as wondrous to the young boy.  His bright blue eyes radiated through his pewter framed glasses amidst the backdrop of white as he looked about, taking in this foreign scenery around him.  He skipped around his front yard for a few moments before he saw the front door open and saw the familiar face of his father, Randall Jennings, and heard a familiar call for him to come inside.  He noticed that something was decidedly different.  His dad shouldn’t be at home.  It was only 3:30 and he normally didn’t get home until 5.  This wasn’t the only thing that he would find unfamiliar about this afternoon.

            When Landon entered the house there were several people that he didn’t recognize and some that he did.  His grandparents, Ralph and Sandy on his father’s side, and Rick and Wilma from his mother’s side were all standing together at the far end of the living room.  He could see his grandmothers crying in the consoling arms of his grandfathers.  Talking to them was a gentleman that he didn’t know.  There was also another man talking to his father.  He heard words such as embolism and blood clot; words that he didn’t really understand.  Landon was very confused and he didn’t know what to do.  He looked at his father and he could see sadness in his eyes.  He looked around the living room frantically and then ran toward his parent’s room.

“MOOOOOOOOOM!!!” he cried.  Landon’s father was right behind him and when they both reached the bedroom, he knelt down beside Landon. 

“Dad, where’s mom?” Landon asked.  Randall just looked at him as a tear trickled down his cheek.  He grabbed Landon and held him tightly against his chest.  “Dad?” Landon asked. 

“Landon, something happened to your mom today,” Randall answered.

“What happened?!” Landon asked nervously. 

“She got really sick today and…” Landon’s father choked up while trying to finish the sentence.  “She died today.”  Landon was absolutely stunned.  He couldn’t think, he couldn’t act; he just stood there.  Tears began to run down his face but he didn’t yet feel sad.  He knew that somewhere in his racing mind there was an appropriate response, but he couldn’t seem to find it.  Then it suddenly came out. 

“NO!” Landon yelled.  “That’s not right!  She said that she’d never leave, that she’d always be with me!” 

Randall, now sitting the floor, shed several more tears before saying, “I know, Landon.  But there was nothing she could do about it.”

 Landon wasn’t satisfied with this and he recalled a memory from when he was younger.  “No, she said it!  One night when I was really scared from a nightmare, Mom came in and she was sitting with me.  I told her that I couldn’t go back to sleep and she rubbed my head and sang a song to me.  Then, she got up to leave and I said, ‘Mom don’t leave me, I’m still scared.’  She said, ‘I’ll never leave you baby, and never is a promise.’  She stayed there until I fell asleep.  I remember it!” 

Randall shook his head and tried to force a smile.  “You’re mother truly loved you, Landon.  She certainly did.  And when she said never, she meant it.  But there was a bigger plan for her, and she had no control over that.  But I promise you she’s watching over you right now, and she will be forever, and as long as you keep your mother in your heart, Landon, she’ll never leave you, never ever ever.  Ok?” 

Landon, still crying, lifted up his head, hugged his father and nodded.  “Ok.” 

Randall ran his fingers through his young son’s hair and said, “I love you, Landon.  I love you so very much.” 

“I love you too,” Landon replied. 

Landon took his father’s hand and they returned into the living room where his grandparents were waiting for him.  Like he had seen his dad do before, Landon tried to put on a forced smile as he crossed the living room to join them.  He was far from being ok with the death of his mother.  He had only started to feel sorrow over the loss.  He did, however, find comfort in the words that his father had said to him earlier.  He knew that when his mother said that she would never leave him and that never was a promise, she meant it.  He was reassured by this and despite being tremendously sad, he had peace in knowing that no matter what happened, his mother would never leave him.  She would be right there with him, in his heart.  

Carolyn

            Carolyn Owlsey wanted a glass of water. She was parched from pruning her extensive collection of Azaleas that always began blooming in April. Walking inside, she glanced across the kitchen at her Felix the Cat clock and noticed that it was 6 PM. Albert should have been back by now, she thought to herself. Still pondering the whereabouts of her boyfriend, she slid a glass under the faucet and pushed the handle backwards. Nothing happened. She pulled the handle to the ‘off’ position, and then pushed it back again. Frustrated, she placed the glass on the counter and walked across the kitchen to the refrigerator. It was there on the door, by the Farmer’s Almanac Calendar, that she saw the note. As she slid it out from underneath the magnet, another slip of paper fell to the floor. She bent over to retrieve it and realized that it was the water bill that Albert was supposed to have paid. Carolyn placed the bill on the table and read the note.

            “Carolyn, I’ve tried to make this work, me and you. It just ain’t working. I got a new job with Jenkins Construction up in Allentown, so I’m going. I forgot to pay the water bill. Sorry. It is under the note. P.S. You can keep the dog.      Albert”

            Carolyn chuckled with a short snort and placed the letter under the water bill. She reached down to pet Hank, their Boston terrier. He returned the favor by licking her hand. “Well Hank, I guess I’d better go to the store,” she said. She placed the note under the water bill, picked up her keys and locked the door behind her.

            After several hours of shopping and a few old friends with new babies to catch up with, Carolyn returned home. When she reached the front door, she found a new note attached to it. She read it aloud.

            “Carolyn. I forgot to leave my key when I left earlier. Didn’t figure you would really care, but I brought it back anyway. I decided to take the Hank. Sorry.”

            By the time Carolyn unloaded all of the groceries and was settled in, it was almost midnight. The house was oddly quiet without either Albert or Hank stirring around. She opened a bottle of water and sat down in her recliner. As she pressed the power button on the remote control, she heard a pop and all of the lights went out. The circuit breaker had blown. Carolyn shook her head, stood up and felt her way to her bedroom. After stubbing her toe several times, she could only hope that tomorrow would be better. 

Look Out! or What Goes Up Must Come Down: Part 6 of The Adventures of Moses Kincade

            Moses was as happy as he had been in sometime.  For the last few weeks, he and Sarah had spent most of their time together.  Sometimes they went out on dates; sometimes they stayed in and watched old movies.  Sometimes she cooked and sometimes Moses ordered out.  It wasn’t that he minded cooking; it was just the dishes that he hated doing.  Sarah understood.  The one thing that made Moses the most nervous was bringing her home to Terry.  Moses saw no reason for Terry to not approve of her, but knowing that he was fickle, Moses was a little apprehensive bringing her home.           

  

            Terry was very picky about the girls that came into his house.  If they didn’t like baseball, they had to go.  Conversely, if they happened to like the Kansas City Royals they immediately met his approval.  Moses never really understood why Terry liked the Royals and thought that this standard was a little too high because he was pretty sure that no one, including the people in Kansas City, liked the Royals.  Some other deal breakers were if the girl smoked, if she appeared to be at all sketchy, scandalous, shifty, shady or any other “S” word, or if she was from Canada.  Too much “Eh?” and not enough “Eyyyyy,” Terry thought.  As a first line of defense, Terry would crawl all over the intruder.  If she at all resisted or appeared to possibly sneeze, she was done for.  The manner in which Terry chose to tell Moses that it was time to send a girl packing caused some confrontation at first.  Once he decided that a girl was not going to make the cut, Terry would silently disappear.  After he felt that his presence had left the girl’s mind, he would climb onto a tall shelf, gauge the distance and wind (depending on whether or not the fan was on), and then leap directly onto her head with the most terrible sound you could ever imagine a cat making.  Needless to say, Moses was very displeased with this the first five or so times Terry did this.  However, knowing that there was little that he could do to stop him, Moses just made sure that he always knew where Terry was the first few times that he brought a new girl home. 

            Before Moses brought Sarah home for the firs time, he had a long talk with Terry explaining how much he liked her.  Terry understood, but knew his hands were tied in the matter.  He had a duty to perform.  When Moses finally brought her home, Terry immediately began rubbing against her legs.  Sarah bent down, picked up Terry and began to pet him.  Terry purred, Moses smiled and things were looking up.  As the night went on, Terry learned that not only did Sarah love baseball; she loved all sports in general.  Moses was sure that this one was in the bag.  What he didn’t account for was Terry’s mischievousness.  Considering how well the evening had been going concerning Terry, Moses neglected to notice when Terry drifted away from the couple.  As Moses and Sarah were talking, she asked where Terry had gone.  Moses heart immediately dropped as he turned to see Terry creeping across the top of the shelf.  He shook his head “No!” and Terry just eyeballed him back, defiantly, from his lofty perch.  Sarah began to turn and at that moment Terry leapt.  As he soared across the living room, Sarah held out her arms and caught him in mid-air.  “Got ya!” she exclaimed.  Sarah turned back around and Terry lay down in her lap, purring as she stroked his head.  He had never intended on landing on Sarah, just making Moses nervous.  It ended up working out better than he planned.  Terry loved Sarah and Sarah loved him back.  He was saddened to hear that she was going out of town for the weekend. 

            Terry wasn’t the only one that was bummed out about Sarah leaving for the weekend.  Considering that for the most part Moses was what most would consider a wallflower, he wouldn’t really have anything to do while she was gone.  However as luck would have it, one of his friends was celebrating his birthday on the weekend.  Sebastian, who would be 24 on Friday, was one of Moses’ best friends.  Despite being completely different in a lot of ways, they seemed to accent each other.  To offset Moses’ social awkwardness, Sebastian was a social mover.  With a name like Sebastian, how could he not be?  However, much like Moses, Sebastian didn’t really fit in with a lot of the people that he went to school with.  He was a math major and most of those folks are better suited to be in a room with Moses so they could all spend time staring at the floor ignoring each other.  Either way, Moses was glad to have something to do.  On Friday, he met up with Sebastian to make plans about how the celebration would take place.  They decided that they would go to the new bar downtown called Slick Willy’s.  Honestly, Moses felt that one could never trust a person named Slick Willy but assumed that it was only a catchy title and that they would surely meet no person by such name. 

            Later that evening Moses was talking to Terry while he was getting ready to go out.  Terry was also slightly unsure about an establishment called Slick Willy’s, but what was he going to say?  He was only a cat, after all.  Moses assured Terry that he wasn’t going out to meet any girls or any of that nonsense.  As Moses was explaining all of this, Terry just laid back and pretended to listen.  He didn’t need Moses to say that he wasn’t going out looking for girls.  He had lived with him for years and knew that Moses never went out looking for girls.  Besides, Terry knew that Moses understood the consequences that would most assuredly be handed down if he did anything that compromised his status with Sarah.  Terry loved Sarah and would stand for zero silliness concerning this matter.  As Moses was finishing getting dressed, Sebastian arrived.  “Hey, you ready to go?” Sebastian asked.  “Yeah, almost,” Moses replied.  Sebastian responded, “Hurry up!  I’m pretty sure this place has some sweet drink specials before 11 and I want to get in on that.  This is crucial.  Move it!”  Moses, who would have been slightly annoyed at the pestering he was being forced to deal with had it not been Sebastian’s birthday, just ignored him and put on his shirt.  “Let’s go,” Moses proclaimed.  As they arrived at the bar, Sebastian noticed the sign outside.  It read: “Half-off Domestics and $2.50 Appletinis before 11.”  “BOOM!” Sebastian exclaimed.  “Come on, it’s 10:30, I’ve got to get my cheap drink on!”  Sebastian’s enthusiasm was quickly quelled as soon as they walked through the doors.  Both partygoers looked around in amazement, as they saw almost no women in the entire bar.  “This sucks,” Sebastian droned.  “Where are all the women?”  “It’s still early, you know?” Moses replied.  “Maybe they just haven’t made it out yet.”  “Yeah, but it’s $2.50 Appletinis!” a very confused Sebastian stated.  “Well, we’re already here so I guess I’ll get me a beer.”  They walked to the bar and a very well dressed bartender asked what they would like.  “Two Coors Lights,” responded Sebastian.  Moses looked at the bartender while he was grabbing the beers out of the cooler.  He thought to himself that this bartender was probably the best-dressed bartender that he had ever seen.  Maybe the best-dressed bartender ever; except maybe Doug Coughlin in Cocktail, but that was just a movie.  As Moses looked around the bar, something just didn’t add up.  No women to be seen anywhere, $2.50 Appletinis, pseudo-techno music…  Then a light bulb went off.  “Hey Sebastian, have you ever been here?” Moses asked.  “No, why?” Sebastian responded.  “Well, I’m not sure how to say this…” At that moment, the bartender interrupted Moses.  “Hey guys, here’s your beers.”  Sebastian reached into his pocket.  “Four bucks, right?” he asked.  “Don’t worry about it.  These are on me,” the bartender responded.  “Holy hell!” Sebastian replied.  “Thanks man!”  Moses looked at Sebastian a little funny but couldn’t help laughing at how excited Sebastian was about the free beer.  “Did you see that?” Sebastian asked.  “That is the coolest bartender I’ve ever met.”  He paused for a moment. “…And possibly the best dressed.  Now, what were you saying?” Moses looked at Sebastian a little sheepishly and then decided to just come out with it.  “Dude, I think that we’re in a gay bar.”  Sebastian was taken aback by this news.  “No way.  Don’t you think I would know if I was in a gay bar?”  While saying this, Sebastian took another look around and began putting the pieces together himself.  No women, $2.50 Appletinis, pseudo-techno music, best-dressed bartender ever, free beers, autographed picture of Barney Frank over the bar… “Moses, I think you might be right.  I was just hit on by a man, wasn’t I?”  “Sebastian, I believe you were.  Sebastian then asked, “That’s an autographed picture of Barney Frank, isn’t it?”  Moses looked up and squinted a bit.  “Yes it is,” Moses replied.  “But hey, let’s make the best of it.  It’s your birthday and we’re going to have a good time.” 

            It was just then that a sizeable group of young college coeds walked into the bar.  “Hey, Sebastian.  Look!” Moses exclaimed.  “Women!”  Sebastian turned to see the group that Moses was talking about.  He raised half an eyebrow for a moment, and then turned back to Moses.  “They’re probably lesbians, you goof.  We’re in a gay bar, remember?”  “No No No No!  Think about it!” Moses quickly interjected.  “If you were a large group of girls that didn’t want to have to deal with a bunch of horny guys, where would you go?”  “Not here,” Sebastian answered.  He elbowed Moses in the ribs.  “Am I right?  Am I right?”  He laughed for a second and then paused.  “OH!  Holy shit.  I WOULD come here if I were a large group of girls that didn’t want to deal with a bunch of horny guys that wanted GIRLS.  You should really clarify next time.”  Moses rolled his eyes.  “You’re such a dick.  Yeah here!  So, they’ll never expect two straight guys to be here.  You should totally go over there and talk to them.”  Sebastian stood up and prepared to make his move.  “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” the bartender said.  “Of course you wouldn’t,” Sebastian replied.  “That’s just silly.  I just want to go talk to them.”  “You don’t get it, do you?” the bartender asked.  “Your friend was half… well… one-third right.”  The bartender turns to Moses and says, “That shirt is all wrong, sweetie.”  He turns back to Sebastian and continues with, “Those girls just want to have a night off, so leave them alone.”  “Come on, man!” Sebastian retorted.  “It’s my birthday.”  The bartender, beginning to look a little annoyed, responded, “I’d better not catch you out there trying to donkey-knock any of my girls.  If you want to celebrate your birthday, I get off in about 30 minutes and I’ll take you to a place where the girls aren’t taking the night off.”  Sebastian looked at Moses.  He wasn’t really sure what to make of this offer considering that the bartender had already given him free beer.  Moses just shrugged his shoulders.  He wasn’t really partial to the goings-on of the evening.  Sebastian looked back at the bartender.  “You’re not going to try to slip me a rufie or anything like that, are you?” Sebastian asked.  “Paahleese,” the bartender sighed.  “You’re not my type.  Your friend on the other hand…” He cocked his head sideways for a moment, and then waved his index finger towards Moses’ shirt.  “Nope, I just can’t get passed that shirt.  Anyway, are you guys in?”  Sebastian looked back at Moses again.  “You in?” he asked Moses.  Moses again shrugged his shoulders and replied, “Whatever.  Let’s do it.”  Sebastian turned back to the bartender and said, “We’re in.  By the way, what’s your name?”  The bartender held out his hand and said, “I’m Eric.”  Sebastian and Moses each shook his hand.  “This is my friend Moses, and I’m Sebastian,” Sebastian explained.  “Sebastian, huh?” Eric asked.  Sebastian nodded his head.  As Eric walked off to the other end of the bar he laughed and said, “Who’s the queen now?”             

            Thirty minutes and 4 beers later, Moses and Sebastian were following Eric across the Slick Willy’s parking lot to his shiny black Audi.  Moses couldn’t help but admire the car.  He had always wanted an Audi but knew he was destined to drive his 2003 Pontiac Grand Am until the wheels fell off of it.  It was paid for, and that was worth something.  The threesome got into the car and wheeled out of the parking lot and off into the night.  “So, where are we headed?” Moses asked.  “The Ted,” Eric replied.  Sebastian immediately perked up.  “The Ted!?” he exclaimed.  “Hell yes.”  The Ted, or Theodore’s as it was officially titled, was a gentleman’s club just outside of town.  It had a reputation for having the best looking dancers within 100 miles.  Moses couldn’t attest to this, although he had heard it from several people.  Despite never really being a fan of strip clubs, as he thought they were generally a waste of money, he was interested to see if the rumors were true.

 By the time they arrived, the club was three-quarters full and “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” by Pat Benetar was blaring through the speakers.  It seemed as if Traci, the innocent schoolgirl, had just taken the stage.  Sebastian looked as if he was an 8 year old that was just handed a hundred dollar gift certificate to Toys-R-Us and told to run wild.  He bolted for the stage and squeezed in between two older gentlemen that may or may have not been Hell’s Angels; either that or active members in a S&M club.  Moses pondered this idea for a minute, and then decided it was best to leave it be.  He much preferred the idea of these guys riding choppers and causing havoc to… well, whatever goes on in S&M clubs.  Moses and Eric took a seat at the bar.  “So, why do you come here?” Moses asked.  “My boyfriend is a bartender here and I’m friends with a lot of the girls,” Eric replied.  “So, is that your boyfriend there?” Moses asked.  “Yeah, that’s him.  Hey Travis!  Come here!”  Moses looked at Travis as he was walking over.  He now stood corrected.  After seeing Travis, Moses decided that Eric was the second best-dressed bartender that he had ever seen.  Travis made Justin Timberlake look like he got his clothes from the Salvation Army.  “Hey you,” Travis said to Eric.  “Who’s your friend?”  “This is Moses.  He and his friend, that one over there drooling over Traci, accidentally stumbled into Willy’s tonight.”  “Oops,” Travis laughed.  “Moses, it’s nice to meet you.”  “Nice to meet you too, Travis,” Moses replied.  Eric looked back at Travis.  “I told the guys that I’d bring them out to a place where the girls weren’t taking the night off tonight.  I kind of felt bad for them, looking for fish in a field.  So I brought them here.”  “Well, they’re definitely working tonight,” Travis stated.  At this time, Traci was finishing her dance and Sebastian walked over to the bar to join the group.  “Sebastian, this is Travis; Eric’s boyfriend,” Moses told Sebastian.  “Sebastian?” Travis asked.  “Yeah,” Travis replied.  “Nice name,” Travis responded.  “Thanks, Eric called me a queen earlier.”  “Yeah, he does that.  He’s jealous that he doesn’t have a name like Sebastian,” Travis said.  “Shut your mouth,” Eric interjected.  “See what I mean?” Travis chuckled.  “Well guys, I hate to run, but we’re pretty busy and I need to get back to work.  It was nice meeting you Moses; Sebastian.”  “Sebastian, I think that Lindsey is about to come on,” Eric stated.  “If you liked Traci, you should love her.”  “Done!” Sebastian proclaimed.  “You coming, Moses?”  Moses shook his head.  “Nah, I’m just gonna hang here.  You have fun, birthday boy.”

            Sebastian hurried back to the stage as the announcer proudly introduced Lindsey to “Pour Some Sugar on Me” by Def Leppard.  “Lindsey is my girl!” Eric said excitedly.  “Watch this!  She actually brings a bag of sugar out on stage with her.  You wouldn’t think that it would work, you know, with the sugar getting sticky and all, but somehow she pulls it off.  Lindsey began dancing around the stage and spun around the pole a time or two before setting the bag of sugar down in front of Sebastian.  “Look!” Moses exclaimed.  “Sebastian is gonna get to actually pour sugar on her.  You know, that’s a really clever use of song and prop.”  “Yeah, I don’t know what it is, but it drives the guys wild,” Eric replied.  “Let’s walk over there.”  Moses and Eric left their seats at the bar to stand behind Sebastian as he was dusting Lindsey with sugar.  When she rose up off the stage, she noticed Eric and gave him a wink.  However, when she did this, she either lost track of where she was or got a grain of sugar in her eye; no one could really be sure.  Before anyone could figure out what happened, Lindsey tripped over the bag of sugar and flew headlong off the stage.  The crowd gasped and the two gentlemen who may or may not have been Hell’s Angels made an attempt to catch her but failed admirably.  Luckily, Sebastian was directly in front of her and broke her fall for the most part.  Moses and Eric helped her off the floor while Sebastian laid spread eagle in shock from the events that just transpired.  Eric told Moses that he was going to walk Lindsey backstage and make sure that she was ok.  The two left and Moses was left to Sebastian, who was still trying to collect himself.  Eventually Moses coaxed him off the floor and they walked back over to the bar.  “I need a beer,” Sebastian said, still seeming a little dazed.  “That was pretty crazy, man,” Travis said.  “She’s been doing that for a while now and I’ve never seen anything like that happen.  I guess it’s a good thing that you were there to catch her.”  Sebastian looked up at Travis.  “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”  Eric then returned with Lindsey who seemed to have survived the incident without any serious harm.  “Lindsey, this is Moses and Sebastian,” Eric stated.  “I saved them from Willy’s earlier tonight.  They came into the wrong clubhouse.”  “You guys were trying to pick up girls in a gay bar, weren’t you?  You sneaky little devils.” Lindsey laughed.  “Well…” Moses started.  “I’m just messing with you,” Lindsey replied, stopping Moses.  “I’m just glad Eric here saved you guys and brought you here to see my grace in full form.”  “Are you ok?” Moses asked.  “Yeah,” Lindsey replied.  “I’m gonna make it. I think that I might have twisted my ankle a little, but other than that, I’m fine.”  “Well that’s good to hear,” Moses replied.  “How about you?” Lindsey asked Sebastian.  “Yeah, I’m good.  I have to be honest with you though.  I always pictured having a naked woman flying towards me as being possibly the most exciting moment I could ever experience.  But that kind of scared the hell out of me.”  Sebastian said, while laughing a bit.  Lindsey laughed and said, “I bet!  I was pretty nervous myself.  Did you see those two guys totally whiff trying to catch me?  I’m just glad that you happened to be right in front of me.  If not, I would have taken a swan dive right into the floor.  Thanks.”  “Hey, you’re welcome,” Sebastian replied.  “From here on out, anytime you feel the need to dive off the stage, you let me know and I’ll be here.”  “You got it!” Lindsey exclaimed with a laugh.  “I think that Lindsey is done for the night,” Eric said.  “Do you guys want to do anything else tonight?”  Sebastian looked at Moses and, as usual, Moses just shrugged his shoulders.  “You wanna go back to your place?” Sebastian asked Moses.  “Sure,” he replied. “Ok,” Sebastian said.  “We’re gonna go back to Moses’ apartment if you guys want to come and we can have a few beers and hang out.”  Lindsey spoke up.  “Sounds good to me.”  “Let’s go!” exclaimed Sebastian.

            The ride back to Slick Willy’s was interesting for the group.  Lindsey and Sebastian sat in the back and talked about things such as what it takes to be a stripper, her favorite songs to dance to and if The Ted really did have the best looking dancers within 100 miles.  A slightly different conversation was taking place in the front.  Moses was telling Eric the story about how he and Sarah came to be dating and he also probed him for fashion tips.  Moses assumed that he would be best served to maximize his time learning everything that he could about dressing sharp from the second best-dressed bartender that he’s ever seen who happened to be dating the first.  It only made sense.  After picking up Moses’ car, the foursome traveled to Moses’ apartment.  There the conversations stayed mainly consistent with the ride.  Eric just loved the story about Sarah and couldn’t wait to meet her while after enough talk about stripping, sugar and Def Leppard, Sebastian and Lindsey had found a comfy spot on the couch and began to make out.  This was not a scene that either Eric or Moses wanted to witness so they decided to walk outside and continue their conversation.  “So, where are you from originally?” Moses asked Eric.  “I’m from Kansas City,” Eric replied.  “Really?  That’s pretty interesting.  So I guess you’re a Royals fan then, huh?”  Eric almost looked disgusted.  “Are you kidding me?  The Royals are terrible.  No one, not even people from Kansas City, likes the Royals.”  Moses felt almost vindicated hearing this.  “You know,” Moses said, “I tell my cat the same…” Moses paused and at that moment he heard a blood-curdling cry that no cat should ever make.  Running towards the door, Moses yelled, “Terry! NOOOOOOO!”  Eric stood on the porch very confused.  “Who’s Terry?” he asked.

The Putt-Putt Incident: Part 5 of The Adventures of Moses Kincade

If there were one thing that was invaluable to Moses, it would most definitely be his dry erase calendar board hanging on the wall above his desk in his bedroom.  He kept up with all of the upcoming events that he had such as tests, bills and other various things of that nature on the calendar.  One-third of the board was corkboard.  Moses pinned things of interest such as business cards, coupons to the BK Lounge and a few pictures of him and his friends on that side of the board.  For the last 5 days, the newest edition to the board is what confounded Moses every time he glanced at it.  In the bottom left corner was Sarah's phone number.  He had never gotten up the courage to call her despite now being 2 days past when he and Kenshii decided would be a reasonable time to wait.  They had nothing substantial to base this time-table on except the idea that if it was good enough for Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau in Swingers, it was good enough for them.  It sounded reasonable anyway.  Moses often would pick up the card and dial half the number and once he even dialed the entire 10 digits, only to close his phone before he could muster up the strength to press CALL.  Considering that it was Sunday, Moses had decided that one more day wouldn’t hurt and he put away any thoughts of shaming himself further and tried to put Sarah out of his mind.  It was then that Kenshii called him and suggested that they do something that they hadn’t done in a very long time; play putt-putt and race go-carts.  Moses was enthralled with this idea.  He had always felt that there was a certain calming effect to doing things that you used to thoroughly enjoy when you were younger.  He couldn’t decide if it was the fact that you were just doing something that you hadn’t done in a long time, or if the “retreat” to a simpler time allowed him to leave all of his current situations behind.  No matter what the cause for the relief was, Moses and Kenshii were heading to Captain Sharky’s Fun Land and couldn’t be happier. 

Moses arrived at Captain Sharky’s before Kenshii did so he found a bench outside the front doors and waited.  Shortly after Moses sat down, Kenshii arrived.  “Why did you want to take separate cars?  I mean, it was on my way to get you,” Moses asked.  “I had something that I had to take care of and I figured I could just do it on my way here,” Kenshii replied.  “Fair enough,” Moses responded.  “Let’s do this!  WOO!!!”  Moses and Kenshii walked inside and were immediately overcome with nostalgia.  Neither of them had played putt-putt since high school and they couldn’t even remember the last time that they raced go-carts.  They felt as if someone had given them a million dollars and said “Run Wild!” in a fun store, whatever your definition of a fun store may be.  As they walked through the main building towards the little office where you rented your putter, they took in all the sounds of the arcade.  The pings and clicks of the pinball machines, the rapid gun fire coming from the shooter games and the familiar sound of wooden balls rolling up a ramp in the ski-ball machines made them smile.  Those instruments of fun would soon enough get their turn.  They passed through the arcade as a pack of kids that resembled something like what Moses thought you might find at a Devil Wears Prada concert rushed passed them towards the go-carts.  “Shouldn’t they be busy being forlorn or sullen or something like that?” Moses said to Kenshii.  “I thought you weren’t allowed to have fun when you’re hair was that straight.”  Kenshii just laughed as they approached the counter to get their putters. 

After finding just the right putter, fighting over who was going to play with the red ball and filling out the scorecard, Moses and Kenshii took to the first tee.  The game started off fairly even.  Both were tied at 15 strokes through the first 4 holes, which wasn’t saying a lot for either of them considering that par through as many holes was 10.  At least they were enjoying themselves and that was the important thing.  As the round drew near the finish, Moses had a two-stroke lead but Kenshii was teeing off first on 18.  He struck his putt firmly.  It rolled tightly against the right wall and then veering off to the left once it reached a ridge. There is struck a rock, bounced around a log and then off the wall finally dropping into the first cup that delivered the ball on a lower green.  Moses and Kenshii both ran to see where the ball would end up.  As it popped out of the tube, it rushed directly for the cup.  The world seemed to be in slow motion and, in retrospect, reminded Moses of one of those old NFL Films documentaries about football games at Lambeau Field when Vince Lombardi was still coaching the Green Bay Packers.  The only thing missing was the steam from their breath, and of course, Howard Cosell.  As the ball neared the cup, Moses let out a defiant “NOOOOO!!!” to no avail.  The ball dropped.  Kenshii threw his putter in the air and triumphantly proclaimed “SUCK IT!” in response to his hole-in-one.  Moses, feeling very dejected, knew that he still had a chance to win the game.  He strolled back to the tee and placed his ball on the third hole from the center.  After eyeballing the shot carefully and trying to remember exactly what Kenshii did, he struck the ball.  Much like Kenshii’s shot, Moses’ hug tightly against the right wall.  It seemed, however, that he had hit it too hard.  It rode high up on the ridge and before dropping down towards the rock wall that Kenshii used to direct his ball to glory, it struck the log and bounced backwards straight towards Moses.  He could only hang his head as the ball stopped a few feet short of where he originally hit it.  Kenshii could barely contain himself after seeing this.  Moses knew that if he didn’t put his ball in the cup in the next two shots, the game was over.  He struck it again and this time his aim was true.  His ball drifted around the log that previously caused him such grief and towards the first cup.  The ball gently dropped down into the tube and both Kenshii and Moses hurried over to see if the ball would follow the earlier path.  This time the ball came out of the tube on the left instead of the center.  It headed directly towards the wall and then ricocheted towards the cup.  Moses was almost beside himself as the ball rolled almost lethargically towards glory.  When it reached the cup, it circled the edge twice and Moses fell to the ground with a yelp as it was directed back towards the wall.  Once returning to his feet, Moses attempted the shot that would tie the game.  The ball was struck firmly and straight at the cup.  What Moses didn’t account for was the tiny twig right in front of the hole.  As the ball was about to drop, it rolled against the twig and stopped.  Before Moses could completely lose his mind, Kenshii kicked the ball in the hole.  “WINNER!” he yelled.  Moses knew it was a pity kick, but he would take it.

After the two returned their putters, they decided that they would play some arcades before racing the go-carts.  Kenshii checked his watch.  “Why do you keep looking at your watch?” Moses asked.  “You don’t have anywhere to be, do you?”  “No,” Kenshii replied.  “I just like to know what time it is.”  They walked inside and Moses asked Kenshii if he wanted to play air hockey.  Kenshii told him to go ahead and do whatever because he had to make a phone call.  After Kenshii walked outside, Moses decided that he was going to play pinball.  He had always wanted a pinball machine but never really had the money to get one.  Moses thought that having a pinball machine in your house is just about the pinnacle of cool.  After playing a few games on the Dr. Acula machine, Moses realized that he wasn’t as good at this as he thought he was.  He also came to the conclusion that the “bonus” that the machine gives you a chance for after you lose all your balls is purely for the appeasement of the player.  He had never gotten a free play nor seen anyone get it, but assumed that it was there to make him feel like the machine cared.  Clearly, the machine doesn’t care.  Nevertheless, he put in another fifty cents and started a new game.  This time Moses was actually playing really well; surprisingly well by his standards.  Just as he popped his second ball into play, Moses felt a poke in the side.  He swatted behind his back and said, “Hang on a second.  I think I might actually set a high score on this one!”  The poking continued and eventually caused him to lose his focus and his ball.  “Seriously!” Moses said as he was turning around.  However, when he turned, he realized that it wasn’t Kenshii that was poking him. 

Instead of Kenshii standing before him, it was Sarah dressed in dark denim jeans and a teal pea coat, despite it being a reasonable temperature outside.  “Did I make you lose your balls?” she asked.  “Uhhh,” was the best Moses could get out for the moment.  “It’s ok.  I just thought you were Kenshii.”  Moses cell phone beeped and he opened it up.  It was a text from Kenshii saying, “Hey, I’ve got to go.  I’ll fill you in later.  Peace!”  Moses looked up to see Kenshii raising his hand on the way out the door.  “Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you,” Sarah said.  “Oh, don’t worry about it, you’re not a disappointment, I mean, uh… yeah,” Moses replied.  “So, why didn’t you ever call me?” Sarah asked.  Moses couldn’t remember a time when he felt more awkward and in all honesty, he wanted to crawl under the Dr. Acula machine and possibly die.  Finally, he decided that he could handle this and tried to think of a reasonable answer.  “Well, I’ve been really busy with work and school and I just forgot,” Moses replied.  He felt pretty confident about this answer.  “You forgot to call me?”  How could your just forget?” she asked with a very serious face.  “Ah shit,” Moses thought to himself.  “Good one, jackass.”  Sarah could see the consternation in Moses’ face and said, “I’m just messing with you, Moses.”  Moses was relieved to hear this and said, “Well played.  How can I make it up to you?”  Sarah thought for a minute and then replied, “Well, I was hoping that you’d take me out.  That would be a good start.”  Although this shouldn’t be any real news to Moses, she did give him her phone number after all, but his heart leapt with joy at these words.  “I believe I can do that,” Moses replied.  “What is a good night for you?”  As these words came out of his mouth, Moses suddenly realized why girls never go out with him.  “Really?” he thought to himself.  “You’re both here tonight, so clearly this is a good time for her, Captain Obvious.”  He then said to Sarah, “I guess that was kind of a silly question, huh; considering that we’re both here.”  “Just a little,” Sarah responded.  Moses smiled and asked, “What would you like to do tonight?”  “Take me to the go-carts or lose me forever!” Sarah exclaimed.  Moses was glad to see that the wisdom of “Top Gun” wasn’t lost on people younger than he was.  It worked on Goose and it worked on Moses as well.  “Show me the way home, honey,” Moses replied.

As Moses and Sarah made their way to the go-cart track, they talked about little things like ridiculous people you see at work or how irritating it is when your phone rings at two in the morning and it’s a number that you don’t have stored in your phone.  Although the conversation to most may have seemed mundane, Moses was really enjoying being able to articulate full sentences and he thought it seemed like Sarah was enjoying herself.  When they reached the track, Sarah began taunting Moses.  “I’m totally going to dominate you.  You know that, right?”  Moses wasn’t really sure how to take this, especially since he remember himself being an amazing go-cart driver, but he played along.  “Paaaaaalease.”  You don’t know who you’re messing with here.  You’re going to be right behind me all night.”  Moses paused for a second, but Sarah beat him to it.  “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!!” Sarah yelled.  Moses stood stunned for a moment, and then got down on one knee.  Using a combination of his newly found full sentences and emoticon lingo he learned from his cousin, he proposed to her.  “OMG.  Will you marry me?”  Sarah laughed.  “Up, up,” she said.  I want to see how you deal with me dominating you in this race before I agree to marry you… and did you just say OMG?”  Moses sheepishly grinned and said, “Yeah, it’s a long story.”  “It better be,” Sarah replied with a laugh.  The race began shortly and as they say, “It was on.”  Moses and Sarah remained close through the first 3 laps.  However as they were rounding the next to last turn on the last lap, Sarah bumped Moses and his car spun out of control and into the wall.  She cruised through the finish line for the victory.  Moses sat in silence for a moment, taking in the fact that not only had he lost a two-stroke lead to Kenshii on the 18^th hole in putt-putt but also was just spun out on the last lap by Sarah.  He was definitely, in fact, not the big winner of the night. 

            As it turns out, however, the people that run go-cart establishment frown on intentionally wrecking people.  As soon as Sarah and Moses climbed out of their cars, they asked them to leave.  Moses felt a small victory in this because he felt it meant that Sarah cheated, and he should have won after all.  He knew better than to mention this though.  As they walked back towards their cars, they talked about small things again.  The topics were slightly different this time, however.  They talked about the evening, and how much they enjoyed it.  Sarah’s car was the first that they reached.  She stopped and told Moses “This is me.”  After talking for a few more minutes, Sarah smiled and said, “Well Moses, I had a lot of fun tonight.”  “I did too.  I’m really glad that we hung out tonight,” Moses replied.  “So,” Sarah asked, “do you think that you might call me now?”  Moses laughed and responded, “Definitely, but only at two in the morning from numbers that you don’t recognize.”  Sarah’s eye’s widened.  “You’d better not!”  They both laughed and then Sarah requested, “Come here.”  Moses took a step closer and Sarah leaned in and kissed him on the cheek and said, “You’re really sweet.”  Initially Moses prepared himself to fight off any odd reaction that he might have but strangely enough, nothing came.  He was very calm.  “Thank you,” he said.  “Have a good night and I’ll talk to you soon.”  “Goodnight, Moses,” Sarah replied.  Moses closed her door and began walking to his car.  With every step he increasingly wanted to explode with excitement.  After sitting in his car for a little while, his phone rang and the caller id showed a picture of Kenshii.  A light bulb went off in Moses’ head and he answered his phone.  “Dude, you’re busted,” Moses said.  Kenshii laughed and replied, “What are you talking about?”  Moses paused for a moment and then responded with “You didn’t count those two strokes when you hit your ball in the water on the 10^th hole, did you?